See You Later Alligator

Ray had to leave back to Miami today..definitely bittersweet.

YAY the lockout finally lifted.

BOO for giving my husband back to football.

However, under the new CBA {collective bargaining agreement} things worked out very well for the players.  One of the biggest concerns the players had was their bodies were getting hammered. 

People think that football only lasts from September to December, but that's for the fans.

There was hardly any break for them, usually mid January until March 1st was their break and then they were back at it for spring camps, OTAs {off season team activity workouts} mini-camps, spring conditioning and then fall camp. There were days I would watch Ray walk and would ask him why he kept doing it. His body would be so beat up some days and just bruised and hurt. He never once complains either. Ever. I can honestly say that.

 He always answers me "It's what I've worked for my entire life, who wouldn't want to play football for their job?" 

I guess it is a dream job for many. He loves this game. I'm glad he loves it. It's a fun career and especially when you know how hard they've worked and have seen the blood, sweat and tears {literally} it's very rewarding as a wife to see that hard work and determination pay off. It's not so much about the money either. Yes, I won't lie. The money is a blessing and it's helped start our family and secure our future, but if I may say so, some of these players are underpaid for what they go through, and some of the players are definitely over paid. It's moreso about seeing them accomplish something they want more than anything in the world. Watching them make their dream a reality. I don't think I ever tell Ray enough how proud I am of him and his determination and hard work. I get very VERY defensive when I hear people talk crap that "they suck" or "he won't make it" or whatever some comments may be. 

Seriously? Get your ass out there and do it then, because I guarantee, you won't make it through one day. I've had to leave places, walk away and bite my tongue many times to not beat the hell out of some people. There's just some haters out there who think they know everything. I will never bash another player because I know how much it takes to get to where they are. 

I know the sacrifices these families make. I understand the business side of things now and the whole fan base, I guess I will just never understand the personal attacks players get.. it was bad in college too.

Most of the time it's stupid fat morons who have never played the sport in their life, or peaked out in high school and could never amount to anything else in football, but I promise you, if anyone ever had the balls to say anything to my face about my husband, they'd better be ready for what's about to come.

Phew, okay, like I said, I get very defensive lol. 

Anyhow, I kind of went off on a tangent. 

Since the lockout lifted on Monday afternoon, I've been crying non-stop. I know it's a mix of pregnancy hormones, the cry-baby gene that I have, and me facing the fact that I wasn't going back with him this time. This is our third season and usually I'm right there next to him. Packing his bag for camp. Getting him little treats for his bag each night. Putting little letters in his playbook. Just getting to give him a kiss goodnight before he has curfew and him tucking Toa into bed. We hate being apart. I know, the whole "be strong" speech and stuff, but the truth is, it sucks! It's a decision we made that we know would be less stressful for us in the future and I think Toa and I are going out there in a few weeks after our big Relay for Life and then we will head back right before my 28 week mark when I can't fly anymore.

I know it's a short time. I just don't want to miss anything. Ray will be a free agent the end of this season and we are hoping for a contract extension with the Dolphin's. If not, he will enter the free-agent market after the season and we could end up anywhere. That's another reason why I am staying here in Utah. There's just so much going on that I really don't want to be stuck in Florida when we don't even know if we will be there next year. We would have to go find a rental home for this season, plus furnish it, because our furnished 2 bedroom condo just will not accommodate the 5 of us and why would we do such a foolish thing plus ship everything for the new babies out there, if it's just going to be for a few months. Then, if he doesn't re-sign with Miami, we would have to ship everything we bought for the house, plus everything we just shipped out from Utah to wherever we will go. 

So we are being smart and playing it safe and know that the few months of distance will be worth it in the long run and save a ton of headaches and ton of money. We have been saving everything we can for the last 2 years to build a home here next spring after we see what happens with a new contract coming up. I think this is the downfall of the NFL.. is the uncertainty of it all. Not all of us live like Tom Brady with millions and millions and guaranteed a job for 10 years, so we have to play it smart!

It was so hard for me these last few days. I will just miss him so much. Just the little things. I don't care that he's in the hotel for camp, we would still go and see him at the hotel during their break and to me a few hours a day is better than none. Skype will be our best friend. He is going to be so busy too though, which I hope makes time for him go by quickly. I at least have our son and our families here.. he's there alone. I'm glad my cousin Paul is with him though and they get to see each other everyday.. 

We've stayed up just having pillow talk the last few nights about everything and anything. I tried not to cry this morning when I dropped him off because I don't want him to worry about me either, but we both just cried and I cried until I got to 3100 south and Bangerter. We always just say "See you later" and never "goodbye" I don't like saying Goodbye. It's like saying I won't see him ever again...Toa kept telling me "it's ok" and it would make me cry even more. He cried when Ray closed the door and was screaming for his Dad and I knew that threw Ray over the edge.. Ray hates being apart from his boy. Toa woke up after his nap looking for his Dad and knows he is working, but him not coming home tonight will be hard when we go to sleep. Ray always tucks him in and lays with him and does shadow puppets on the wall with the night light. 

I miss him so much already. I think too because last year on July 30th he was in a bad car accident. 

You never know what will happen. I just pray that he is safe all the time and takes care of himself and keeps hydrated in the heat. I worry about Ray, not because I don't think he can take care of himself, it's because I know he can't take care of himself as good as I take care of him haha. I hate time apart, but it just a nice reminder of why I LOVE being together as a family. I'm glad this sacrifice is short. I couldn't do this every season. We are so blessed though. We are thankful for the opportunities we have and for Ray to be doing what he loves. We are thankful for the healthy son we have and the twins on their way. We are so thankful for our families for their support and their help with everything. We are very blessed and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining. I just really miss my husband. It's like walking around without my legs.. somethings always missing. I refuse to get used to being apart so it will always be hard, but we are Team Feinga.

I love you Ray Ray.. I think I'm having such a hard time because you're the person I pull a lot of my strength from. I know we will be fine and hopefully time will fly by. I'm grateful for all your hard work and everything you continue to do to live your dream and be an example to your boys. You are an amazing husband and daddy and I am so blessed you're MY man. Can't wait to see you in a few weeks and come cheer you on... I love you so so so so so so so much!!