Sometimes I wonder why people have to go through such heartache in life.
I don't understand it. I always hear the saying "God only gives us what we can handle" but to be honest, I really don't believe that. I don't believe that it's God's plan for his children to suffer. I think it's just life and sometimes we get dealt really crappy cards and go through these tribulations, just because. I don't believe ever that it's because someone was doing something wrong, or didn't live their life a certain way, or are a bad person that they will be 'punished'.
Yesterday I received a call from Kuuipo and told me that my Uncle Floyd found his fiancee Merrity dead. My heart sank. Merrity is only 3 days older than me. He came home from work and found her in bed. She hadn't been feeling good, but never would have thought this would have happened.
My heart is breaking for my Uncle. He has endured a lot of crap this past year and was finally HAPPY! They were planning on coming down to Florida in 2 weeks for a game and we were going to do their engagement pictures at the beach. It's amazing how ones life can be flipped upside down in the blink of an eye. I just feel so helpless being here away from everyone. My entire family went and sat down at the house with Uncle Floyd outside for 6 hours while the detectives etc went through the house and then waited for the medical examiner to remove her poor little body. I was on the phone with my sisters a lot and they said, that's something that someone should never witness :( I'm just so sad, and I can't imagine how my Uncle feels.
I talked to him this morning. I've been afraid to talk to him because I know I will just sit and cry. I'm not very strong when it comes to death or tragedy. I'm rather weak and I don't handle it as great as I probably should. Call me weak, call me negative..but that's how I feel.
It brings me to think of my cousins Fano and Soni as well. Fighting through so many complications and enduring more than one should have to. Fano has beaten cancer, back in 1996 and has since dealt with so many health issues, diabetes being one of the biggest. He recently had his right leg amputated 2 weeks ago and then got an infection and then another one. He is fighting for his life at the age of 32. Why? Why do some people get handed the worst situations in life? Or trials that are beyond comprehension? My other little cousin Soni is 21 now, he had kidney failure at the young age of 15 and has underwent 2 kidney transplants which the one he just had in the spring time took, however, 3 weeks ago he got an infection in his blood and has been fighting for his life as well. The medication that he has to take for the infection is killing the kidney, which he can't have another kidney transplant after two. If they were to not give him medications for the infection then we would die. It's just one thing after another.. .my heart aches for my family... I have friends who are enduring trials as well and it breaks my heart. It's not fair. I don't ever question my Heavenly Father for these things, because I truly don't believe He controls everything. I just am sad and have a hard time why people go through these things. I'm not negative. I hate seeing others suffer. I guess because I want to fix everything and I can't. I want to do something to take the pain away from my Uncle, but all he wants is Merrity back.
All I can do is pray for comfort for my family..hold onto those I love and cherish everyday I have. I am constantly worrying about thing happening to my family. I'm a worry wart. But when things happen I don't know how to handle it as best as I could. :( I'm just sad.
**UPDATE**
I re- read this blog last night 9.2.11 and wanted to clarify a few things, just in case it came off differently then meant when I wrote it. It's not that I don't believe our Heavenly Father controls all things etc .. I just believe in my heart that he doesn't make bad situations happen nor does he interfere with making them stop. It's just a part of life.... I hope I didn't come off cynical or anything.. :) I know the mercy of my Father in Heaven, just to see loved ones, or anyone in that case in a sad/bad situation breaks my heart. My Uncle had just felt that he was being punished for choices he had made when he was younger etc and that's why he was going through this pain and sorrow, but I tried reassuring him that this isn't the case.. I don't like to see people in pain or struggling.. that's all :)
All I can do is pray for comfort for my family..hold onto those I love and cherish everyday I have. I am constantly worrying about thing happening to my family. I'm a worry wart. But when things happen I don't know how to handle it as best as I could. :( I'm just sad.
**UPDATE**
I re- read this blog last night 9.2.11 and wanted to clarify a few things, just in case it came off differently then meant when I wrote it. It's not that I don't believe our Heavenly Father controls all things etc .. I just believe in my heart that he doesn't make bad situations happen nor does he interfere with making them stop. It's just a part of life.... I hope I didn't come off cynical or anything.. :) I know the mercy of my Father in Heaven, just to see loved ones, or anyone in that case in a sad/bad situation breaks my heart. My Uncle had just felt that he was being punished for choices he had made when he was younger etc and that's why he was going through this pain and sorrow, but I tried reassuring him that this isn't the case.. I don't like to see people in pain or struggling.. that's all :)
3 comments:
Oh Kass....I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Uncle's sweetheart...and all the heartaches your family has had to endure. Sometimes it is hard, and it seems like it's too hard....but I believe that this life is just a short time period and even though we all, in our own ways face such huge and different trials, our next life will bring us more happiness than we can ever imagine....With our family members and all those who we lose in this life. That's what gives me hope! I love you Kass....you honestly are one of the most loving, caring, giving and dedicated friend and family member I probably have ever met. Even though your Uncle has gone through this tragedy, he has wonderful family like you and your sisters to stand by him, comfort him and keep him strong...even though it can be so hard! Your tears, heartache, care and concern mean so much more than you will ever know! Hang in there Kass...there's always a beautiful rainbow after the storm! Love you!
I'm sorry for the loss in your family. Yes things may be harder on some than others. Or we may just think that because we can't imagine going thru that. Often times I look at others and think wow I'm lucky, meanwhile they may be looking at me thinking the same thing. So I think we just don't know a lot of times how hard is hard for that persons individual trial. The sweetest thing is when they overcome it, or if they die, how it affects someone elses life. People and things are here for a reason, to learn, grow, and adapt. It's the experiences that we go thru that make us wise, and increase our faith. I hope your uncle is comforted during this hardship, that's just horrible to imagine. I love ya and hope you & ur family can all be strengthened thru prayer. :)
ooh. so so so sad. like you said, it's so amazing how life can completely change in the blink of an eye. thank you for sharing your familys hardship with us. i'll keep you and your beautiful family in our prayers. love ya kass.
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